no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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