Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
