ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize