Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
