so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
