Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
