even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
