Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
