I accidentally burped into my bong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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