she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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