i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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