she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
