Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
