Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
