Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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