i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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