He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
