i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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