speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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