I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want nice things and good sex
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
