therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
