It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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