You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
