Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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