It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
