I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
