I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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