I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
