sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
