I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
