Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
