Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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