you guys were way drunker than both of me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
