maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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