Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
