just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
