We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
