I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
