Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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