Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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