Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
