oh god the rape fog is back!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
