ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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