I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize