Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
