we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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