Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
