Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
