I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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