I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
