This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
