i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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