She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
