you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
