shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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