im gay
i know
yea but for you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
