You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
