i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
