Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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