On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
