For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
