Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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