You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
