is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
