At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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