I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
