Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
