there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
