Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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