yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
