i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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