Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
