i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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