you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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