Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They are going to name an STD after you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
