the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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