Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
