how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
