your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
