I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
