I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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