i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
