my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize