i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
handjob tips. give me some.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
