and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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