i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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