I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
