wrigley field is MILF paradise
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
