i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
