well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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