I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
