I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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