I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's never too late to be topless.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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