It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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