You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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