I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
