the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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