Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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