My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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