perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
