SEEEEXXX PLEASE
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
