i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
