Where did you get a picture of my penis
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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