just come out here and I will go home with you...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
