there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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