I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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