Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
