Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
