I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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