Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
