I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
